teng&co.

Project 365!

2010-01-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

I know I'm supposed to start this on the first of January, but I didn't really think about it until now. So I'll just do a photo a day for 365 days. Should be interesting. To start us off, day 1: Rule no. 473: when in (sam)Tengcoland, never wear plain white socks.

Autumn is here, I can smell the leaves.

2009-10-20T23:43:00.000-07:00

I sit and listen to some Olivia Tremor Control while gathering my thoughts, listening to the only song that perfectly embodied my day. As the jangly-esque guitars begin the tune, I can't sit and help but wonder... is this how I'll feel every autumn? How long will I go on, afraid of what is to come? How long will this go on, before everything is finished? Before the end?

For the first time in a very long time, I cried myself to sleep last night. I was afraid of the future, of what could happen. It's been going on for a while, but it all suddenly hit me last night; everything that's been happening has come to fruition at that moment. No, it wasn't the first time I cried about it. I wouldn't consider myself unfeeling if it was, but I would consider myself slightly less sensitive than everyone else in my family. No, I've cried about it before; in front of my best friend, in front of my doctor, in front of the former teacher (or rather, 'educator') who I seem to confide in every time I see him, and in front of my mom.

Yes, I'm talking about my mom at the moment. We don't discuss it much, but I know, I can tell that she's depressed that the chemotherapy stopped working, that her treatments aren't working. God knows I am too. People keep telling me that they're praying for my mom and that she'll get better, and I thank them from the bottom of my heart because they're doing something that I can't do.

I'm not denying the fact that I don't pray - I don't. How can I when I don't know who to pray to? I meditate though, I send thoughts out to anyone who will hear it, hoping that things will get better for my mom, because if anyone deserves it, she does. She's the strongest person I know. She's gone through so much in the past couple of years; I don't know how she does it, but she does, and I love her so much for it.

To tell you the truth, I don't know what I am. Atheist? Could be. But there's something holding me back, something that happened to me when I was a baby that's stopping me from completely believing that there is absolutely no higher being at all. I mean, what do you expect, I was a baby, I dragged my leg whenever I crawled. Doctors said the only way to fix my leg was surgery - my parents refused. So they prayed and prayed, taking a drive down to the mission at San Juan Capistrano twice a month or so to pray at St. Peregrine's chapel. God knows how long they did it, but it worked. I didn't need the surgery. I became the happy (right.) and athletic girl knew me as for the first 13 years of my life.

So agnostic? Maybe. But then I do some thinking. I can't possibly sum it up better than this:

'Some people, when speaking about AIDS, have said that AIDS is a punishment from God on abhorrent or promiscuous lifestyles. Now I'd like us to consider what kind of God could look down on an Earth which daily rehearses millions of acts of brutal, pitiless cruelty, torture, and horror, and ignores them. And instead, visits the foulest plague ever to have been given to humankind on those whose only sin is to slip in between the sheets with those they like. What kind of God would do that? No kind of God.'

I feel so utterly conflicted about my beliefs. The worst part is, I come from a very very very religious family. Talking to them about something like this... it's just not the way to go, you know? I once asked my parents what they would do if I converted to Buddhism. Their response? Don't even think about it. Just imagine how they would react to something like this.

So I'm writing this now... well because I've had this urge to write. None of those reports for school nonsense, but an urge to just write how I feel. To let everything all out. The fact that I've done so on a public platform, well, that's my decision. I'm just sorry that anyone who therefore reads this, well that you have to read it. Unless you actually like what I write, then I'm not very sorry at all. I just wanted to write. I wanted to write about everything, just thoughts, observations, anything. About people, about music, about beliefs, anything. Sure, I could have done this any day, I could've just sat somewhere with a pen and paper, writing writing writing until my hand cramps. But maybe I wrote this here because I hope that someone would understand whatever the hell it is I'm trying to say. Or do. Accomplish.

And it's okay, because I'm not real to you, and you're not real to me, even though we both exist in this place.

God, this is all utterly long and pointless. I bet you anyone who read this stopped halfway. And if you made it even this far, congratulations. I have nothing else to offer past that. Unless you'd like to hear me go on about the first movement of Rachmaninov's second piano concerto. I think it's absolutely the most beautiful piece of music I've ever heard. No matter how many times I listen to it, I'm continually blown away by it. I don't think I've ever felt so many different things during a piece of music before. It's so... it's so powerful, it's amazing and magical. It's one piece I would love to see performed live in concert. I wouldn't even mind if it were to be the last concert I would see live. It has that much hold over me.

The concerto as a whole is... the music, jesus, what can I say to make my point? There is no point really, just my rambling on about how much I love this wonderful piece of music. There's so much passion, emotion, range... Whenever I listen to it, especially the first movement, it becomes something real, something that wraps around my heart and will never let go. There's so much beauty in no words. It opens up a world of possibilities that I can't even begin to imagine.

By the way, it's highly possibly that I may begin to tell people that 'they make me feel funny.' Why, you ask? 19 October 2009, there was this episode of this show called House, you see, & he told Lisa Cuddy (yay) that she makes him feel funny. Why, again, should this be so important? Because if you know anything about House, he doesn't really let people in or share his feelings. And if you've seen last season's finale, then you know how powerful that one little statement is. And yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition and yes, I am a bastard. Back to my original point, it was very adorable & such a (I hate this phrase) House-ian way to let her in, in some way.

Aurally: Sergei Rachmaninov - Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor, Op: 18; I: Moderato

Piano Concerto No. 2 in C minor, Op. 18: No. 1, Moderato - Hélène Grimaud

NANI? in a moderately deep voice.

2009-09-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

So that's pretty much me in my astronomy class, every Tuesday and Thursday. My professor's kinda weird, but he's cool. I guess. He always has the most interesting outfits on; I swear, it's like the highlight of class.

Looking at my calendar, October's a busy ass month for me. Midterms, concert reports, listening exam, BIRTHDAYS. Okay, that's all. I really haven't been taking pictures lately, but I'll probably start up on Thursday or something. Depends on how I feel. I'm so lazy. D=

Aurally: Pain In My Heart - Otis Redding

O HAI LITTLE TOKYO!

2009-08-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

Eh, I figured I should post these. They've been sitting in my flickr account this whole time for a couple of months or so. Well, here we are, sitting outside of Orochon Ramen because it's super busy all the time (or so I've been told).

I assume the guy was taking b-roll for something.

Aurally: Right Place, Wrong Time - Dr. John

I would trust you, but trust is such a dirty word.

2009-08-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

This is me. The real me, I guess. I'm not a happy person. I'm pessimistic, slightly misanthropic, bitter, and cynical. I'm naturally lazy and I think everybody lies. But the truth is, I'm a bundle of contradictions. I'm unsure about a lot of things although I strive to find the truth of it all, the logic behind everything. I'm passionate about a few things, mainly those that mean the most to me. I'm a musician, a writer, an editor, and a filmmaker in the making. I spend my time reading to get away from everyone and everything. I don't like to let people in because, honestly, I can't stand people sometimes. I don't think everyone's an idiot, but on most days, that sure comes close. Everyone has their moments though. There are a lucky few though, who I consider close friends. Music is my drug and will be til the day I die. This is me.

Aurally: A Shoreline - Morgan Enos

It's your world.

2009-08-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say that this song has defined my summer, but it hasn't. At least, not in the way I hoped it would've. It's a perfect 'do nothing but hang out with your friends' song, and yet, I've barely been able to do that this summer. It made sense earlier in the summer, I was busy with summer session. But now? I'm lucky to see my friends every once in a while. Bah, whatever.

Little Tokyo another day. Not really up to it now.

Aurally: Pusherman - Curtis Mayfield

gilbert phillip.

2009-08-18T23:01:00.001-07:00

'Most parties have a beer pong table. This party had a mahjong table.'

Perry (I was very tempted to type out @perrry, no joke.) had a potluck/bbq a couple of weeks ago. I actually would've uploaded these pictures way back when, but my internet was down. Anyway, there was some mahjong playing, which eventually turned into building fun for us college students.

Oh, I believe I have some Little Tokyo photos to post. I'll get around to it eventually. Tomorrow perhaps.

Aurally: Fitz & Dizzyspells - Andrew Bird

I gave in.

2009-07-28T20:53:00.001-07:00

I told myself I would never get a pair of Chucks. Unless they were purple, orange, & red. Or something to that color combination, I forgot how I had planned it. But I saw those & had to give in. I mean a fucking monkey! In space! Damn you space ace, you did me in.

Anyway, I have ideas of pictures I want to take, hopefully some opportunities will come towards the end of this week. Tis my last class of summer session & therefore my last stats classes EVAR. Hopefully. I might end up tutoring my friend, depending on my final grade. Anyway, I'm done on Thursday & hopefully beach fun on Friday.

Aurally: Cozak - Beirut

the graduates.

2009-07-20T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, hasn't it? Anyway, this post is for, you guessed it, graduation. Specifically my sister's & my niece, who I lovingly call the sprog, spawn, munchkin, or when I'm particularly annoyed at her, the parasite.

Next post? Other film stuffs. I'm too lazy to sort through the nikon photos.

Aurally: It's Your World - Gil Scott-Heron

Clearly, I have nothing better to do.

2009-06-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

Alright, I decided to just upload & post the damn photos. So here they are, the first set from my Pentax.

Aurally: Half Nelson - Charlie Parker with Miles Davis

I found these on my photostream.

2009-06-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

I was about to upload 4 photos I took on the first roll of film from my Pentax, but when I went to my flickr page, I noticed these & realized I forgot to post them. So these first - then today or tomorrow will be the Pentax set, the first of many since my other camera's broken, haha.

My escape. I can honestly sit in front of a piano & not realize how much time had passed since I sat down. Anyway, this is the baby grand in our family room/where I use my Mac, hahaha. Anyway, I'd really love to own a Steinway and Sons' piano.

Now to Easter (apparently...)!

& now to a random night hanging out with Steph & Erwin with only the highlights, aka, the high kicking competition!

^^ So Erwin did another kick AFTER that, which lead to this -

It's kind of strange how high this boy can kick. Anyway, the last of this bunch - trip up to East Bay for my Lola's funeral.

Out of all the little ones in our family, there's only ONE boy. BILO!

Aurally: I Am the Senate - John Williams

If someone's selling it for $50, get it.

2009-05-29T16:55:00.001-07:00

Yay! So I finally got a Pentax 35mm, which is the brand I've been looking around for. Not only that, it's the K1000, which I've been told is a really good camera, so I'm happy with it. I'm gonna go get my roll developed & I shall see how this first batch turned out.

Remind me to upload some of the pictures from the trip up to East Bay. I took some decent photos at the funeral home.

Aurally: Hallelujah (live) - Beirut

Food, movie, & more food.

2009-05-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

So a couple of weeks ago (a month? I don't remember, to be honest), I took the little sprog to go watch Monsters vs. Aliens. But since the screening we went to didn't start until about 4 or so, we went to Mitsuwa & got some ramen (mmm ramen.). And we went to Yogurtland too, but that was after the screening. Man, she was excited. It was in 3D & all. Actually, it's amusing in general to go to a kids movie & to hear all the little kids with their comments. Too bad they didn't laugh at the same things I did. I mean really, I've seen the movie twice & no one else laughed as much as I did at B.O.B.'s (Seth Rogen) yelling 'testify!!' Or Dr. Cockroach (Hugh Laurie) yelling 'by Hawking's chair!' But then again, it was a children's movie, so I'm not too surprised. & oh yes, the sprog's mom came along too, as it were. Anyway, photos nao, kthx.

THE BEST. Nothing else like it.

OM NOM NOM NOM RAMEN.

HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THIS FIGHT & WHEN PATTON WENT DOWN LIKE THAT?

I think this is one of my favorite photos of her. She wasn't posing (which she likes to do) & it was just perfect.

I really liked this one too. At first, I took it as a joke because no one sitting in the 'Fast and Furious' area, except her. But as I look at it again, it's kinda sad.

She's a goofball.

Like aunt...

...like niece.

I really like this one too. Once again, she actually isn't posing, which I love. The little munchkin was just happy that she saw the movie. & I was gonna attempt to win a B.O.B. plush for her at those damn claw games.

MEW!

Yan-Yan fail.

Aurally: Amagasa - TOKIO

I finally put books in my bookcase.

2009-04-24T01:08:00.001-07:00

There are a bunch of other pictures I should upload & post, but I don't have a flickr pro account & therefore I have absolutely NO space whatsoever to do batch uploads...so I'm not quite sure what to do there. Maybe sign up again? I dunno, I haven't decided. But anyway, I brought my books down with me from San Francisco (after a year or so of storage at my aunt's house) & I decided to organize my bookcase. Then I decided to arrange my DVDs, so I did that too. & wow, can I just say, I'm such a dork. Or nerd. Geek? However you'd wish to phrase it, but huh. My collection is quite interesting.

Yes, that is a Han Solo bobblehead.

It made more sense to just edit them into one picture. It's the 'four corners' of my bookcase...I guess.

Yes, I own some SGA novels. & I have a BSG one too. XD

I read it once. I started reading it, then there was this huge chasm of time, then I started reading it again, but I kinda lost track of what happened. I should probably read it again. And again & again. By the way, anyone know where I can get some of Stephen Fry's novels?

That stays in my 'Everything is Illuminated' book...or whatever book I happen to be reading at the moment. Which happens to be 'Everything is Illuminated'. Kind of, not really.

GAMA GO!

I'll eventually post pictures about the Monsters vs. Aliens trip with Analynn (Mitsuwa+Yogurtland included) & from the trip up to San Francisco (East Bay, really). But I just don't have anywhere to upload pictures. D=

Aurally: Salute to Ray Charles - Ramsey Lewis Trio

Until the Very Last Moment...?

2009-04-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

This is what you do when you're in a car & you don't have the necessary items to take the obligatory mirror photo.

Anyway, last week, my parents & I drove up to SB for my sister's movie premiere. I spent a majority of the drive either doing my review questions for my comm class or playing with Amanda's camera.

It's pretty there. Well, it's grassy. And field-y. Folky almost, hahaha.

My sister's gigantor hand wash refill. It's so cool. Hahahaha, actually, if it were the dispenser, that be awesome.

My sister has no eyes!

The end.

Aurally: Genjitsu ni Oite~Kao - Tokyo Jihen

Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

2009-04-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

'Well, it's people like me who don't do it. When your life sucks from the beginning, nowhere to go but up.'

Kutner... You were my favorite of the new ducklings. You were a nerd. You were a geek. You made a Harry Potter reference. Not only that, you stood up to House & peed on his chair.

I know I'm being stupid & it's just a TV show. But damn, in that way? And that quickly in the episode? I am unable to accept that House accepts it merely as suicide. I am unable to accept that that is all there is to it, that everything was just so conveniently figured out at the end. I do have to admit though, that last picture, the last picture that House found of Kutner was depressingly beautiful. I hate that pictures can really be a thousand words. I demand that the reason is given in next week's episode, that it is presented as beautifully and poignantly as Amber's death was. For our sake. Please.

Until next week...no?

Aurally: Lose You - Pete Yorn

Playing with a D40. It's like playing with matches, except not.

2009-04-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

I should be reading Orwell right now, although I'll probably start soon, after I post this. Poof.

Actually, I think I'll make some tea. That's ever such a super thought! It'd probably make more sense if I said I was gonna make coffee...and if you've watched 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie'. That's just some British comedy at it's best.

Aurally: Drown In My Own Tears - Jeff Beck

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

2009-04-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

Otherwise known as 'Got your stuff there, Narnia?' pt. 2. As I said, I took some pictures with Perry's Canon Rebel XSi & well damn, these pictures are way better than the ones with my crappy Sony Cybershot. D=

O NOEZ, DEATH CAT!!

BECAUSE OF THE DEATH LASER!

SRSLY HOUSE? Kutner, ILY. =D
Enough of my House documenting, lolz.

David's so photogenic, it's disgusting.

Seriously, it's disgusting how photogenic he is.

Ah, the ever elusive Boardwalk...and Dean's brothels, hahaha.

Alright, well, my friend let me borrow her Nikon D40 & I used it to take some pictures at the 'Until The Very Last Moment' premiere - it's a film my sister was the DP for, so I'll upload those sometime this week. I'm just using it to play around with, taking some pictures. Saturday = Analynn's first movie going experience & we're gonna go watch Monsters vs. Aliens, lolz. Well anyway, I'm off to watch Peter's Friends for my comm class. Tata.

Aurally: A Quai - Yann Tiersen

Got your stuff there, Narnia?

2009-03-31T01:26:00.000-07:00

Epic moment of the week...last week. HANGING OUT WITH DAVID THE JUN. Oh my, haven't seen him in a while. Anyway, drove down to Mitsuwa to get some ramen (yeeeee) with David, Steph, Perry, Anne, Dean, Angela, & Angela's sister - Issy, I believe her name is? Anyway, got some ramen & of course milk tea & hi-chew. Steph had to be at work at 3, & Angela (& her sister) had to be at Homework Bound at the same time as well, so they left around 2:20 - I'm totally just pulling a number out of my butt. Anyway, Dom was there too, super random. I left when Anne & Perry left. Wandered off to Target, picked up the squirt, aka Momo, aka Analynn from school, came home, then met Steph at her house & we went off to meet Dean, David, Perry, & Erwin for some grub then hung out at Dean's for the rest of the night. We live exciting lives. XD

Sorry, I barely took pictures at Mitsuwa because I was busy stuffing glorious ramen noodles in my mouth, mmmm. Steph & David, btw.

Perry's nachos.

Dean's tacos.

Never Been Kissed? I forgot what was on.

Uke!

Perry's camera.

Oh, look what was on! Bwahahahaha. =]

Yes, I did. I totally did. I took some pictures with Perry's camera too - that can be another post.

Ads on TV make me giggle.

Dean was totally getting his ass kicked.

Especially since these two teamed up, haha.
Kay, well anyways...ugh, my pictures suck. My camera sucks, to be specific. Well anyway, like I said, I took some pictures with Perry's camera. So I'll probably upload those another time. Well, some of 'em. Tata.
Btw, House tonight with Mos Def? How good was that? & how amazing will these next episodes be? Dang a lang.

Aurally: Life In Marvelous Times - Mos Def

Alien Problem? Monster Solution.

2009-03-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to resuscitate the life back into this blog, so why not start with the recent photographs I took...at the Monsters vs. Aliens premiere? XD

The whole thing was pure luck, mostly. My partner in crime, aka, my best friend for god knows how long - Stephanie Lee, & I went to City Walk to watch the arrivals of famous peoples (otherwise known as celebrities) & we somehow got offered free tickets to the movie. And it was honestly one of the best days of my life. Even though I didn't get to personally say anything to Hugh Laurie, I still got to see him in person in the theatre while he & the rest of the cast that was there sang Happy Birthday to Reese Witherspoon. =]

Peter Jacobson. Taub from House.
Oh yes, we also saw Jesse Spencer & I gestured at him the Filipino way & I didn't notice he was looking in our general direction & I started laughing after he walked by us. =P

Pure luck. Will never forget this day. Fun stuff! =]

Aurally: Do What You Wanna (Mr. Scruff's Soul Party Mix) - Ramsey Lewis